The Fear in Acknowledging the Mother Wound
For many years, I was confused about the true ills of my childhood trauma. I couldn’t figure out if everyone was right and I was the problem, the contention in the unit that comprised the four of us, the reason my parents had so many fights and issues in their marriage, as I overheard my mother once say. Or was it my father? Those were the thoughts my mother often shared loudly in mixed company. That my father was the root of her troubles, the reason the finances were a mess, and the stain he placed on us with his infidelity. Though I kept observing and trying to listen more deeply, whatever my mother said was always her perspective, with a desire to keep herself as the victim. The victim, I understood, is worthy of sympathy and makes easy friends with others who are actual victims. And as the victim in her marriage, my mother could continue to deem herself the prize.
By the time I realized that the majority of my problems in my family led back to my mother and all the problems we all had led back to her, my childhood was over. It was too late for someone to come and save me from her backwards way of doing things, or her limited perspective of the world, bound to what she had learned in a medium-sized city in North Alabama.
Acknowledging the mother's wound is something many have to realize the courage to do for themselves. Because even in my 30s as I was becoming more expressive about the disappointments in my mother, and the ways in which her treatment created a negative impact for me, I was met with a lot of pushback from my now late father. Despite the years they had spent divorced he never desired for me to speak badly of her or to contemplate detachment from her in ways that it would disrupt the family dynamic. However, the burden of constantly carrying the weight of the emotional harm inflicted on me increasingly became harder.
The mother wound is a central childhood trauma theme. This is significant because whether you feel like you had a terrible mother experience or if you believe that you had a wonderful experience, when examining your childhood as a method of self-awareness or as a result of your spiritual awakening, it is important to contemplate the role your mother played in your childhood, and the impact of her influence.
At some point in my life I started putting the pieces together that my anger, and my eternal unhappiness in my home environment was not because of me, but because of the dysfunction that was a part of my daily life as I was affected by the emotional instability of the people in my family. Though my mother would have me blame my father for everything, because she did, my relationship with her was my roadmap for all the other relationships in my life. It was her prominent position that led me to the conclusions about my self-esteem, and confidence or in my case the lack of those important life positive traits. When I started to unpack the truth about what was wrong in my romantic relationships and inability to see the value in friendship, it all pointed back to her. As it unfolded there was no way to unsee, or unprocess, the fact that she was critical in my negative sense of self and therefore I had a mother wound.
In accepting the mother wound as a critical stage in my spiritual awakening as an empath took me down an emotional spiral. Acknowledging the mother's wound would mean I also had to admit and try to understand that my mental state had been affected my entire life by taking on my mother’s emotions much of my life and I not understanding how not to absorb her shaped my self-perception. In my family this would really be going against the grain as the generational dysfunction that existed in my family was also heavily influenced by my mother’s side of the family.
Many people who are deeply engaged in the process of healing may avoid dealing with their parental trauma, particularly the mother wound experienced by black daughters and black mothers. This circumstance is also extremely prominent with children of immigrants. However, this is not to say that other races and ethnicities do not have their own experiences with parental trauma. My observation is that black adult daughters are more aware of the complexity of the journey of black women in America and globally and, thus, may be more motivated to protect their mothers from being scrutinized and criticized by their children.
In almost all cultures of the world, children tend to hold a certain level of respect for their parents. However, when you are trying to heal childhood trauma and achieve a deeper sense of self-awareness, holding onto that respect can keep you tied to false narratives and limit your autonomy. The process of self-discovery is meant to expand your autonomy, not restrict it.
Respecting your parents excessively can prevent you from establishing healthy boundaries and hinder your ability to discover your soul's truth. At some point in everyone's life, whether part of their spiritual awakening or a natural process, they must learn to see their parents as individuals, not just authority figures. This detachment is essential to help individuals understand themselves better and uncover any underlying emotional pain or trauma resulting from their childhood conditions or environment.
Many daughters fear being honest about their traumatic experiences, especially those related to their relationship with their mothers. This fear is rooted in the possibility of being abandoned by their mothers. As an empath and intuitive guide, I have seen several daughters who suffer from this trauma trying desperately to keep family relationships intact while struggling to assert themselves. Unfortunately, in most cases, the preservation of the relationship comes at the cost of the daughter's well-being. The daughters often feel disrespected and ignored, and their mothers continue to behave as though nothing is wrong. The mothers seem to be unaware of their behavior and its impact on their daughters.
What is the mother's wound?
Most people struggle to find the right words to describe the trauma they have experienced, particularly when it comes to their mothers. When I provide intuitive guidance and identify a mother's wound, many people imagine the most extreme scenarios, such as a mother who neglected or endangered their child due to mental health issues, addiction, or harmful relationships. However, not all mother wounds are this severe. Some are subtler, yet still challenging to overcome. It's important to understand how your specific wound is holding you back in life, even if it's not as extreme as the examples mentioned.
The deep and complex nature of some mothers' emotional wounds can cause them to persist for a long time. But despite this, I am thankful for my core memories. One of them is of me sitting in the parking lot of Sprouts in my car with my mother when I was around seven months pregnant with my son. Something I said or did in response to my toddler daughter being in the car with us prompted my mother to say, "I just don't know how you are going to handle two of them." She repeated this statement so many times that afternoon that I started to feel insecure and inadequate about my ability to be a parent to two children, by the time I dropped her off at her house.
Here is a channeled message to define the mother’s wound from a spiritual perspective:
The pain which is transferred from an unhealed female parent who seeks to control her offspring in order to establish a sense of belonging, control, and receive unconditional love from someone who idolizes her. This wound creates fear and often the child of the unhealed mother rejects itself and has no sense of self because of the external projection of the mothers wound.
The mother will never relinquish control as she believes it is her only possibility to be loved and respected through the authority that only a mother can possess.
My mother's behavior of engaging in emotional conflicts and perpetuating dysfunction within her family over a long period led her to believe that this was expected within a family unit. As she allowed herself to be controlled and wounded, she did so without self-awareness and without thought of the impact it would have on me or our relationship. The mother's wound is generational. In order to heal, we need to explore our own selves and understand the history of our mother. Acknowledging the mother's wound helps us recognize the pattern of broken women in our ancestral lineage. We may feel scared to talk about our childhood traumas, but it's important to break the cycle that holds us hostage to our past and shapes our future maternal connections. Continuing to endure the pain and discomfort of the mother's wound only perpetuates the flawed promise passed down through generations, making it difficult for daughters in the next generation to heal.
If we continue to neglect our deepest pain points, we are likely to remain unhealed, like our mothers. However, we can overcome this transferred pain by having the courage to confront it without shame. While not all our dreams may be realistic, we can achieve healing of the transferred pain by acknowledging the wound's existence and allowing our spiritual awakening to become the catalyst for the deepest levels of healing, transformation, and ascension.
Are ready to embark on a soulful journey to the ultimate truths, to illuminate your spiritual awakening with intuitive guidance to access a deeper level of healing? Then schedule some time with me, and let’s see if we can travel this road together.