Coaching with Boundaries

Boundaries are something you never get to stop talking about relative to coaching. I still don't understand why people make boundaries harder than necessary. I always find that those insisting on creating boundaries for others never entirely respect boundaries when they find themselves restricted by boundaries.  

The client coaching relationship is one that many people find odd. It's a situation where you find yourself perfectly familiar with someone you barely know. That's the only way the relationship is genuinely objective. The coaching dynamic is designed to center on your issues as the client and leave yourself relatively anonymous so that the lines never get blurred. And you know it almost works seemingly, but when it doesn't, it's because the client finds themself with a friend's expectation when it's genuinely a coaching relationship. The coach, the guide, cannot bear the responsibility of friendship and still lead you to clarity. However, it seems that many people, specifically millennials, need some level of relatability to find comfort. But how often is wisdom purely relatable? How do you learn and grow when something reflects the same state of being you are trying to change? 

You don't. 

Allow me to break down the real reason so many people struggle with boundaries. It's not that we can't all say no, or understand when someone has bypassed a limit that offers comfort. People struggle these days with boundaries because they struggle with authority issues. The lack of discipline within themselves becomes the lack they project onto other people, and they find shame in being called out for the inability to govern themselves correctly. It's that simple.

The millennial struggle with authority lands so many of them before therapists and coaches. And while the desire for structure exists within them, that desire is also conditional. The yearning for boundaries for themselves and others must always be within their control. When I think of it this way, I think about how painful the dating scenarios I witness through coaching are and why countless women are so dissatisfied in their pursuit of love. Self-love and self-respect are being avoided within. And all that is left for their potential mate is that same energy as their attraction point. 

In avoiding authority, respect, and love, many people effectively create empty places within themselves through their cumulative negative energy. 

Consider this lesson I learned early on in coaching others, negative energy is something many people never want to assign to themselves. I always say it is only the energy vampires checking for other energy vampires and always finding a reason to call out negative energy. Ironically, positive energy does not naturally gravitate toward negative energy. Protection from negative energy is located in the safety of light energy. What many people dismiss about negative energy is that it's nothing. Spiritually you can define negative energy as an intense resistance to opening up to light energy. Negative energy is an unmoving cloud that radiates and attracts more of the same. It pushes down the life force and replaces chi with a weight of nothingness. It is stagnation in Spirit.  

How do we get to an empty place with boundaries?

Honestly, there is no simple answer for why so many different people from all walks of life struggle with boundaries. But from a coach's perspective, it's mainly generational. The battle with boundaries is also with beliefs, self-belief, and worthiness more than anything. Standing up for yourself is not difficult when you know who you are and value what you have to offer. Those with the most chaotic internal struggles struggle with flimsy boundaries and avoid speaking up for themselves as a means of keeping the peace. The guilt and anxiety boxed them into where they only view the world through their limited set of experiences. But this also speaks to individuals that have not accepted themselves entirely. 

This is where the record player scratches the vinyl in coaching with belief. A client should never expect that their coach mirrors the same level of internal struggle as they do. This is why relatability should not be a prerequisite for a coach, therapist, or mentor. Instead, one should seek a different approach to life and expect that difference to show up in their daily communication. Any person who evolves enough to lead another should not be guided backward by the company they keep in business. Any person seeking significant change should be rooted in accepting where they are and creating a pathway to change through learning and leading to enlightened beliefs. 

Self-acceptance comes in steps. And acceptance of yourself can be difficult because you are always more than you believe yourself to be—more profound, more capable, filled with many aspects. Accepting who you are, requires responsibility for everything that you are.  

When you cannot accept another person's boundary, you limit yourself to growing through experiencing someone else standing up for who they know themselves to be. Instead, you either physically or energetically attempt to take them from themselves, which does not show any level of respect, compassion or offer them the right to choose for themselves.  

Boundaries are not innately hostile. They present themselves when we have been impacted by negative energy and notice misalignment in our circumstances. When we judge people for seeking to correct misalignment, know that you are seeking to maintain dysfunction. And perhaps your fear of being confronted or held accountable for the lack in the environment is triggering. Despite any shame that is felt, we should always respect when someone communicates discomfort. The lesson of our throat chakra is that when someone speaks, we must listen. In return, when we speak, the obligation to listen falls on another. We spend so much time educating each other about energy and spiritual practice in the digital age. We would serve ourselves if we accepted our soul's lessons and learned to be a better representative of collective consciousness by eliminating the need to perpetuate negativity.

Are you a coach that struggles with boundaries with clients or is on the spiritual journey and would like to take a deeper dive into clarity? Then, schedule a session with me here.