I'm beginning to think that parenting is one of those topics you shouldn't discuss in mixed company, right along with religion and politics. But, I'm going to give you the three parenting tips I wish I had received from someone when I started on my journey to motherhood almost four years ago.

Your personality is not an indicator of your parenting style.  Look, log this as an affirmation and not as a tip. This statement could have freed me up early on and would have let me know that I don't need to try and mimic what I have determined as my life positive traits through parenting. As a spontaneous, curious, open-minded person, I have often felt pressured to apply every ounce of that to parenting my children, and it sets me up for failure every time. The truth is for every ounce of whimsy I possess; I can also appreciate boundaries, routine, and clear goals in my life. And just because that leans more towards adulting and responsibility, doesn't necessarily mean that I am turning into my mother. It means that I can offer my children balance by bringing forth different aspects of myself. 

The roadmap your parents laid for parenting does not have to be your own.  This tip may seem obvious to some people, and in theory, we all have a right to choose what we desire for ourselves, and that includes raising our children. But, it is a lot more challenging to navigate when your parents or perhaps, even your in-laws expect that you will do it their way. I know I have had my fair share of puzzling looks, under the breath comments, and confrontation regarding how I am choosing to parent my children. And for those moms-in-waiting, it can be over ridiculous things like how often to bathe a child, bedtimes, even snack choices. Though don't dismiss those things too quickly, they are tell-tell signs that there is a more in-depth internal dialogue (perhaps a very loud external one behind your back) about how you parent. It's also a breeding ground for the bigger things your parents or in-laws may disapprove of, like whether to vax or not, where you and your new family are choosing to live, and to what extent they approve of your partner. You have to stay grounded and connected at all times; remember, the need for support is not the same as needing someone to make your decisions. While our parents are almost always thrilled at becoming grandparents, you both have to be clear about what that role will mean for your family. Don't feel like you have to adapt to anyone else's default setting for how much access, decision-making, or caregiving your parents will provide. There are boundaries that you must set going into parenthood, and quite frankly need to be a part of your birth plan, and amended as required.

Your mental health is essential at all times.  This probably should be the first tip, because this something that will come up often. When we think about conception and pregnancy, it's easy to associate the mental health aspect with the typical postpartum period. Honestly, the need to keep your mental health balanced doesn't just disappear magically six weeks after your child is born. Maintaining your mental health stability will be critical to being a supportive guide to your child. This may sound like common sense advice, but when you are in the throws of diapers, bath time, nanny/sitter options, preschool, and on and on, mental health quickly goes to the back burner. There are constant emotions that guide your need to be available to your child first and forsake all the things you need to do just for you. Now while some parents do a better job at balancing personal self-care and child care, the juggling of emotions and compromising always is present for us all. In intuitive coaching, so many of our issues are present due to what we have inherited from our parents, otherwise known as generational patterns or generational trauma. If you consider that the difference between your grown child struggling with the same issues you are battling now is whether or not you get the help, support, and time off you need, I hope it would put your real priority into perspective. Not to mention, our children do not need to rely on only their parents for support and basic needs. The idea of it "taking a village" to raise a child is not just about the extra limbs but about teaching your child connection through community. 

Alas, parenting isn't easy! You will have incredible moments, periods of disconnection, and if you are lucky, you might find your stride. What's more important than anything to remember is that bringing your child here was a part of your soul's designation. Know that your child chose you to pass through, to learn from, and to teach more than you could ever imagine. Trust that you are always enough and that your child will get everything they need and more from you and this life.

To learn more about soul purpose, check out this episode of the Life of an Empath podcast.  If you are considering intuitive coaching as a part of your birth plan, let’s talk!

Life of an Empath Podcast Episodes on Black Birth:

A Black Woman’s Roadmap:  An Intuitive Guide to a Holistic Birth - https://spoti.fi/39p8dHu

Joyful, Joyful: Creating a Happy Birthing Process -  https://spoti.fi/39rAPjh

Soul Notes:  A Black Father on Pregnancy -  https://spoti.fi/3eQCnnQ