Fear & How The Journey to Africa Began

Hey Love!

For this week's soul lesson, I decided to share how the journey to Africa all began. And, although I am working on a new platform to share my travel experiences from the perspective of an empathic psychic medium, I figured this was as good a place to start as any.

Many of you have congratulated me, sent me positive vibes, kind words and loads of encouragement.  It is all much appreciated. But, if I allowed you to think that this has been non-stop excitement and joy from the beginning, I would feel like I was lying. Because this decision has had its ups and downs. Allow me to take you back to the beginning...

Journal Entry:  December 29, 2017 12:27 am 

"Fear is not just of a single ego, a single human psyche. Fear is generational.

I realize that now as I sit here and contemplate what is to come in the next five weeks.  Fear is big enough to talk you out of the biggest dreams you have laid out for your life.

Fear.

An emotion big enough to give your body a physical response. And in this case  an emotion that elicits constant questioning. Fear is coming for me in all directions.

My own fear. The perceived fear. My family’s fear. Fear for myself, fear for my daughter. Fear, fear, fear. 

Fear manipulates the things you actually want. For I have dreamed of Africa for many years, and sad when I left the first time, and now I am fearful of the return.

But, how can I stand here afraid of the land of my ancestors? What I am truly afraid of the land, or, is it the ancestors that I fear? Maybe not my ancestors directly but the people that are more like my ancestors and less like me?

Do I fear belonging? Or is it the fear of being African itself? It’s easy to tell yourself many things living in America. Many lies.  The truth is I am a black woman born in America, which makes me African American. But the African part truly means black and doesn’t point to any cultural knowledge.   All I know is how to exist in a land that is the white mans land. And in this home that I have made, I am always black and always last. Always lying to myself about my pain, my sorrow, my blackness. 

Stigmas

It’s a shame how much negative stigma is placed on mother Africa. Seriously, every time you hear someone mention 'go back to Africa. It’s painful and confusing. Painful because you’re instantly reminded of slavery and the fact that you don’t belong here in America, well in the natural sense. You are literally from somewhere else. And, that somewhere is Africa. I instantly think land of the black people, land of the poor. Today we speaking in developing or developed countries, but growing up we were taught 'third world countries.' That is the stigma that has been laid out for Africa a third world country where there is no clean water, food, jobs, or money.  Fortunately, with the help of social media and my actual trip to west Africa, I see that is not entirely true. Though the brainwashing has worked. Because the pain and fear of being oppressed in America makes you not want to face any less status or class even within your own mind. 

In the days leading up to going back to Senegal, this time for an indefinite stay, I feel conflicted. I realize I am choosing this, but I also wonder how I will adapt. Because though I can see the benefits of raising my child there, I am not blind to the fact that this will be hard, at least initially."

"The fears we don't face become our limits." R. Sharma

Fear is inevitable, but fear can always be overcome when you have a true desire to let go of its chains.  I once told a client, "the hardest thing you have to do each day is face yourself and be okay with it." I still believe this.  So I pose this question to you today, how have you let fear limit you? And, what are you going to do about it?

I would love to hear your answers to this question. But, I know that fear will keep most of you from hitting reply and being transparent. 

Until our next soul lesson...

Tonesha