3 Ways to Support Muslim Friends and Family during Ramadan
It’s been 20 years since the attacks on the twin towers, and the perception of Muslims has changed very little. While we are seemingly and very outwardly making empathy and healing our top priority now, how are we as a collective still unwilling to shift our perspective of our Muslim neighbors entirely? Truthfully, the US is arguably one of the most racist and unempathetic nations globally. You can easily see that in the constant police shootings of people of color, a glance at the justice system, the massive student loan debt, policies regarding maternity/paternity leave, I could go on and on. How people decide to worship should be the least of our concerns as individuals and as a country.
So for those completely unaware, this week was the second of a month-long fast for billions of Muslims worldwide. Muslims follow the lunar calendar, which means Ramadan comes at different times each year, approximately 11 days earlier than the previous year annually. During Ramadan, Muslims start fasting before sunrise to sunset, which amounts to 12- 16 hours, depending on location. Fasting is a requirement and pillar of the religion and promotes time for Islamic followers to devote more attention to their faith, give charity, and realize a deep sense of connection spiritually and with their families. Ironically, this year it falls when Christians are preparing to celebrate Easter and those of Jewish faith will celebrate Passover, though you may not realize all three Abrahamic faiths are embarking on major religious holidays at the same time as the US is culturally Christian. Islamophobia prevents the inclusiveness of such an important holiday for the nearly 4 million Muslims calling the United States their home. And, despite the massive number of people that follow Islam, there are still so many negative stigmas that prevent those of opposing religions or without a religious ordinance from being more supportive during Ramadan.
In the likely event that you know someone or are a relative of someone that is Muslim or is immersed in the month of Ramadan by marriage, by exploration of considering Islam for themselves, or if you just want to be a good neighbor, here are 3 tips to consider the rest of this month:
1. You don’t need to understand to show support indirectly. One big problematic thing is acting as if showing support equates to conversion. You don’t need to accept another religion to be supportive. It’s hard enough to be forthcoming about faith, much less being Muslim in a Christian country. So any tiny thing you can do to be supportive could be appreciated by your fellow humans during Ramadan. The easiest thing to do to show support is to refrain from judgment. If someone is enduring the fast during Ramadan, this is not anywhere close to the right time to try and convince them that their religion is not natural or any less worthy than any other faith.
Also, ignorance is not an excuse. The Internet never closes, and this month has many Islamic and Ramadan think pieces readily available to educate you on what it is and its significance to Muslims. You genuinely don’t need to understand the ins and outs of anyone’s decision when speaking to someone who was born Muslim or reverted to Islam to support and respect their choice. Faith is a highly personal thing, and honestly, no one person can be 100% sure their choice will be the right choice when this life is over. But, if you are looking for a simple way to support a friend or family member, you can say Ramadan Mubarak, which means “Blessed Ramadan” in Arabic. Or Ramadan Kareem, which means “Generous Ramadan.” I am sure plenty of your Muslim neighbors have wished you a Merry Christmas or will wish you a Happy Easter, so put your empathy skills into practice and offer kindness to the people that have supported you.
2. Stop comparing Islamic fasting to Intermittent fasting because it’s not the same! You may not realize this, but it is utterly insensitive. Intermittent fasts and Islamic fasting are completely different. The former for health or dietary reasons and the latter being for spiritual practice. To be Muslim, you accept that fasting is a requirement. There are only a few conditions that would exempt you from this annual practice. Besides, intermittent fasting is often a form of fast in which people can still drink water. Whereas with Ramadan, there is no water or food from sunrise to sunset.
Secondly, fasting is not just about restricting food consumption; it is more relative to limiting everything that does not directly connect with being more faithful. During Ramadan, Muslims are encouraged to spend their time away from social media, limiting any negative thoughts or actions and preventing any bad words, images, or actions that would break the fast. Instead, Muslims should use this time to read the Holy Quran—Islam’s sacred text, listen to Islamic lectures or podcasts, maintain the obligatory five daily prayers, spend time in reflection and remembrance, and engage in congregational prayers after breaking the fast each night. These prayers can go well over midnight.
So does this really resemble intermittent fasting in any way, shape, or form? You know it doesn’t.
3. Let your friends tell you how they want to be supported on their journey, don’t make assumptions. The spiritual journey is a solo journey. It doesn’t matter what aspect of spirituality or faith you express as a personal choice. We can’t always go everywhere our friends and family members are going spiritually, and that’s ok. Sometimes people need to be able to detach from everything to understand more about themselves and to assess what’s next for them. If you find that you have a Muslim friend or family member that is a bit less available this month, then extend them love and light as they embark on a journey that has promised them a great reward and that will hopefully continue to shape them in positive ways on the other side of the month of Ramadan. The month of Ramadan helps to strengthen faith and bring Muslims closer to their families and their Islamic communities, especially during the times when they are in prayer and during the pre-dawn and after sunset meals. Allow them the space to prioritize their personal needs without requiring too much. Fasting is daunting ; it is easy to get tired engaging in even the simplest task of talking or even overthinking, especially when combined with a normal daily routine. The hunger and thirst experienced help serve as a reminder to save energy for what is required and continue to go inward.
However you feel about Islam, all of the Muslims I ever met are the most peaceful and welcoming souls. If you are nonreligious or of a different faith, use this time to expand your knowledge, and you might also think about expanding your spiritual journey this month through reflection. Empathy is an action. Practicing empathy is about extending the energy you want to receive from others. Empathy is easy for the people we know and the people we support because they are seemingly relatable. But, how much do you really learn about where your empathy begins and ends in ease? Our kindness, gratitude, grace, faith, and empathy are tested as we apply them to the things that make us the most fearful and create the most discomfort. And, you will never know where you are on the journey until your finest qualities are tested. Offer someone else the right to make their own choices in faith, partnership, and everything, and they will likely extend the same to you.
To all my Muslim neighbors, Ramadan Kareem!
Are you ready to embark on a soulful journey to the heart of your ultimate truths, and to harness light for your greater and universal good? Then schedule some time with me, and let’s see if we can travel this road together.