Manifesting Love 101 Pt. 2
Manifesting love is basic; we are making it complicated. In my last post, I said that though we struggle, I can't help but offer those struggling with love a bit of grace when we get to the second reason. Love isn't as natural as it once was to attract, or so it seems. Millennials have changed what it means to be in a relationship and define yourself as an individual. Honestly, our parents didn't prepare us for attracting relationships and creating a connection on the Internet. I'd be remiss if I didn't go further to say that our perceived self-love notion is also missing in action.
Frankly, we have not been taught what loving ourselves means in real-life examples. I know this without a doubt as I reflect on my childhood juxtaposed to parenting my own two toddlers. Growing up, my parents were in full survival mode; my mother hasn't truly left that place behind. This way of life didn't offer options for a lot of intentional creative play or creative expression. It left the door open for negative boundaries and sometimes unrealistic expectations of me as a child. I didn't view myself as a child that was extravagantly planned for, nor were my thoughts and mistakes always welcomed as a way to learn. I know now that these fundamental things are how children began to create space and identity for themselves. As a child, I worried too often, and as an empath, I frequently absorbed worry and a lack mindset. This energetic environment resulted in an unsteady coming of age and significant acts of rebellion to enjoy the simple freedoms my peers were allowed to relish.
Honestly, if your parents are middle-class baby boomers, you may understand this even more. This is where our generational patterns get entangled and mangle our attraction point. The attraction point is a state of being when energy and desire are in direct alignment—applying consciousness and awareness to real possibilities. It is the phase that precedes manifestation. It is the ultimate state of readiness in action. But, when you have experienced a lot of negativity in your growth environment, whether verbal or physical, abandonment, financial struggles, addiction, body image issues, or an overall lack mindset, it is harder to view yourself as worthy of anything else. Your beliefs begin to reside in negative expectations rather than possibilities. It never ceases to amaze me how most of us don't understand what a belief is. I get many questions about overcoming limiting beliefs, but we overcome limiting beliefs by creating expansive beliefs. A belief is merely something you have been told or impressed on yourself repeatedly, so tell yourself something new.
This method is how affirmation work can be super powerful in healing yourself as you start to think about love, partnership, and overall wellness. My suggestion for affirmation work is to be sure to give space to honor and repeat it throughout the day. Most people who say affirmations don't work are subscribed to the one and done first in the morning. But affirmations should be used to interrupt negative thoughts and behavior patterns.
When you begin to affirm love for yourself, you break out of survival mode by bringing your sacral chakra into balance and honing in on your solar plexus and self-confidence. I introduce the chakra points here because it gives you a visual of the work that must be done to proceed working with your heart and the most significant matter of the heart, love. This visual is important, not just in terms of the tangible energy points but also in how you visualize attracting love in general.
Visualization of manifestation is where some of us get lost in a limbo we never knew existed; this is why I am not a big supporter of visualization in spirituality in any form but especially in meditation and manifesting. I have always guided people toward a roadmap they can understand, but we must accept that everyone's love story will manifest differently. But, when we overcommit to what we think the possibilities are, we fail ourselves miserably. The universe has its job, and that is to make the desires of your heart a reality when you are vibrationally aligned with them. Unfortunately, for many of us, the requirement of vibration alignment is where we check out of the process, and that's the number one reason we need support. In visualizing what someone else has manifested in our lives, we are trying to cheat. It's like being back in high school and showing up for a test you knew you would have all semester and trying to look on to the smart kids answer key. This will not work for you here, trying to manifest an aligned partner and especially a soulmate.
Vibrational alignment means that your energy has the same components or pulse as the thing or person you want. To be in alignment, you must correctly identify your specific trauma points and what circumstances they have attracted by you avoiding them or not actively healing them. However, you are aware the trauma exists. As much as we talk about trauma on the socials these days, we haven't normalized it. We are way too judgy when it comes to this, and we still refuse to call our mistakes, issues, circumstances, or problems a direct result of the trauma we have taken on in this lifetime. We spend too much time being captivated by the stories of the healed that we remain aspirational in our quest to heal ourselves versus showing up now to take action. Let me be clear about this: acquiring vibrational alignment is extremely difficult in the presence of trauma without support. We cannot get aligned by making it a goal or looking at someone's story, only to put distance between who we really are and who we think we are becoming on a spiritual journey. Ultimately we have to face our issues because this is the moment when alignment is paramount to manifest. We aren't living by the rules from our parents' past, so we must manifest love according to the energy of our time.
Our parents-- baby boomers, I'm looking at you, generally weren't pressed about love. For most women born in the 50s in the US, getting married was a cultural expectation no matter their racial identity. During that time, many women went to college with more hope for finding a partnership than a degree that would be successful in breaking through the glass ceiling. Now while there are exceptions to all scenarios, my point is most baby boomers didn't struggle for partnership as much as millennials do. Millennials redefined what it means to be partnered, and married for that matter, so we have had fewer examples of the struggle in attracting partnership from our parents.
I genuinely don't think my mother believes I met my husband on a dating app or that there was an alternative. This story may be a blog for another day and another time, but; the point is we have to deal with what we perceive love and partnership to be growing up and how that hinders or is hindering attracting love presently.
If you want to understand more about your limiting beliefs and what aspect of your childhood affects manifesting partnership and love in your life, schedule time with me here.
Stay tuned for the next reason in my next relationship post on why so many of us have steered the struggle bus too long in the pursuit of love. Also, catch up here if you haven’t read part one of the series.
In the meantime, check out these episodes of the podcast: